Pun-ctuality

Punctuality: Because Timing is Everything

Today i will examine borderline pun opportunities. Is there a wrong time for an innocent little wordplay? I'll leave that for you to decide, and perhaps demonstrate where even I draw the line.

I'll start off with an instance where I perhaps crossed the line. I was coming back from a school ski trip in a school bus as you might imagine. Following the bus was a van, containing everybody's ski equipment and my chemistry teacher. Anyhow, there had been a storm the previous night, and a fresh blanket was carpeting the poorly plowed New Hampsire roads. They live free. Fuck paying taxes. even if it would mean better snow plows. More like live free and die! am i right? Anyhow, this heavy van hits a bad patch and spins out of control and off the road, into a snow bank piled against the median. Everybody's reaction: "OH MY GOD!" "WHAT HAPPENED!" "THEY JUST SPUN OUT INTO THAT SNOW BANK!" "HOLY TOLEDO!"
My reaction: "Well, i sure hope he's snow-K"

Now before you judge me note this, 1. I'm really the only one who showed any bit of concern for him....sorta 2. i was pretty sure that he was, infact, snOw-K 3. Snow-K, c'mon thats frickin' brilliant. And especially at a time like that. Is that not the perfect time for a pun? to break a moment of nervous tension? I guess thats up to you.

Now here is a circumstance that, I feel, went to far. The timing was wrong. Let me set this up for you: A breezy, yet pleasant April day. Fresh rain and melting snow have left puddles here and there and have lifted that unmistakeable scent of spring into the air. Did I mention that this is in a cemetery during a funeral?

Before I move on, let me say that I did not laugh at this. It crosses the line.

Anyway, the minister made a pun out of the deceased's name. Ya, I know, classy right? I've got too much respect to repeat it, but it was not made any better by the fact that the minister said "No pun intended" before blurting it out.


Now for something that I don't know whether it crosses the line or not.

In the same cemetery, my brother pointed out a toy hippo stuck in the mud. I thought, but restrained from saying, "talk about a hippo-crypt". Is this an ok , or should i say snOw-K, time for a pun? I honestly don't know.

Now I'll leave you with some brilliance that i didn't come up with, but i think these are amazing:

• A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
• A backward poet writes inverse.
• If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
• When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds
• He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
• A plateau is a high form of flattery.
• if you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
• When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall