The Important Series

Preface:

The Important Series, co-written by 3 others as well as myself, was a series of 6 emails chronicling the dialogue between a dysfictional married couple, each with the subject set to "Important" to ensure that people read them (though people figured out quickly to delete emails with subjects such as, "Important part 2" and "Important part 5"). The series dates back a few years, and was sent out to my entire high school. About 3 people appreciated our efforts. So, in its entirety, I present to you the epic, 6 part Important series. Enjoy:

Subject: "Important"

"What's wrong Victoria?"
"It's nothing, it's just that the flame is out."
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME?"
"No, I just loved the idea of you"
"What about Garry, do you love Garry?"
*slilent pause*
"Maybe......"
"Why, what does he have that I don't?"
"He's a real man, Anthony, with qualities that you can only imagine"
TO BE CONTINUED........

written by; Walter, Griffin, and Mark

Subject: "Important part 2"

"He was a real man"
"What do you mean.. oh you didn't?! DID YOU"
"I did with the help of my friend, bazooka joe"
"How could you?"
"How could you? What about our passion? What about me saving your life from the monster?"
"I'm starting to think you are the real monster, Anthony!"
"How dare you?"
"Anthony............................................................................................................................................................................................................. I'm............................................................................pregnant."
To be continued...

written by; Walter, Griffin, and Mark

Subject: "Important part 3"

"how do i know you’re not faking"
"why would i lie, Anthony?"
"to keep me around"
"what? how dare you?! after all i've done for this family?"
"can you even call us a family"
"i dunno, you've been spending an awful lot of time with veronica's
family!"
"well they know how to love"
"maybe i could love if you werent so heartless. heck, you cheated
before we were married and you invited her to the wedding!"
"heartless? ME I'm the only one who supported your 'acting career'"
"please, i heard you on the phone with vinny"
"............................so?"
" 'she couldnt act her way outa a paper bag, but it gets her lazy
self outa the house' those are your words"
"i know i said i supported you, I never said you were good at acting,
and a paper bag has more charisma than you will ever have as an actress"
"at least a paper bag brings home dinner, unlike you"
"maybe you should learn to support yourself and stop leeching off a
mans hard earned money"
"Hard earned?(Italics) I know exactly how Hard earned that money is"
"i bust my neck in the coal mines"
"You 2-bit hoodlum...I called the foreman...you havent checked in to
work for 9 months"
"I offer you protection"
"the only thing I need protection from is you"
"Well, You caught me, I left the coal mines"
"Why would you ever do that, Anthony?!"
"because I WANNA DANCE!"
To be continued...

written by; Walter, Griffin, and Mark

Subject: "Important part 4"

"YOU WANT TO DANCE, ANTHONY?"
"yes babe it is my passion"
"No, no that just doesn't make any sense. You're Lying."
"I'm Lying? How bout all your lies about Gary?"
"...................................."
"you arr speechless i thought so you tramp"(pirate joke)
"Gary....I only felt i could do that to you because...because i found out about Maria!"
"that is my dance teacher and you know you could confront me but no you ask Gary to help :'fix your back' i knew i shouldnt have been so naive"
"Maria is your...dance teacher? no. no. that can't be. That can't BE!"
"please you know she is out of my league the only reason she touches me is to help my body shake"
"no....NO...You're Lying! You have to be!"
"i have been married to you 15 years and i cant have my gosh darn wife trust me
what do i goyta do honey. you know you mean the world"
"I'm such a fool! How could i...
oh, no
Maria...
oh, no
I've made a terrible mistake"
Freeze Frame Victoria steps out and ponders to her self

"Honey, yes you were wrong about us. But we can get past this...we have a daughter to think about after all"
"shoot i forgot about sarah"
god knows she already is messed up as it is
"Who the heck said that?"
Oh Sorry, didn't you could hear me hehe
"who are you?"
Im justa big fan of the important series but anyways please continue I 'm dying to know what happens
" Oh, ok will do, its always great to hear from fans but back to the story"

"No anthony, my mistake...so much worse...I...I came home after work last weekend, and I found Sarah crying on the floor. You were supposed to be home, but you were out of course, with Maria...anyway, sarah had tried to make herself dinner, because you were out, but she's just a kid...she didnt know what she was doing. She had burned her little fingers and slipped on the floor. You should have been home to take care of her Anthony, and i knew...I thought... I had to take your....well, i know now that she isn't your mistress, but i thought she was...and she was destroying our family. I was just so angry Anthony, and i, well, i arranged for Maria to meet her end..."
"WHAT??!!!
she is my ticket to fame"
"how could you be so selfish. An innocent person is about to die and all you can worry about is 'dancing' I have seen Walter dance better than you"
"What are we gonna do?........................................................................................."

Will this be Maria's last dance? Find out in part 5.....

Subject: "Important part 5"

2:45 AM, Before the events of Part 4

We join our story in a shady alleyway. Victoria has just taken out a hit on Anthony's Dance Teacher Maria, thinking her to be Anthony's love affair.

"...you're Hit has been confirmed, we'll take care of everything...you should probably hide out for a while, get an alibi..."
"...Make it nice and bloody, and make sure Anthony finds her!"
"...I likes the way you thinks lady."
"...What you say we go out back and smooch?"

*they embrace* (via telephone)

"Sorry lady, just business..."
"Oh well, just get it done." *click*(thats the sounds of her hanging up)


"Hey Maria, you won't believe this."
"What is it Rosco? I have a lot of people to kill because i am most certainly a hit WOman."
"Ha Ha, like hitman but hit WOAHman...funny. Anyway i got another hit for ya..."
"Enough giggles lets get down to business. Slash killing people because thats what I do in addition to being a private dance instructor for married men with suspicious wives."

"Well than it turns out someone wants this lady named Maria dead... Shes a dance teacher and she is suspicious of her and her husband..."
"WHATTTTT?! I'll get her!"

WHAT A TWIST! Is this "last call" for victoria? Is Maria really a hitman/WOAHman?

Written by Griffin, Gus and Mark and Walter too.

Subject: "Important part 6"

disclaimer: This intallment is not for faint of heart. It will make you question all your beliefs and the validity of your existence on this planet. Don't say we did not warn you!!!

Now the Conclusion:

*BANG!*
"Oh my GOD!"

fin



Written by Griffin, Mark, Walter, Gus and especially Jauques.
Dedicated to Bielinsky

Know when to fold em...

You know your life sucks when you dream about doing laundry.


And you know you're life deserves to suck when your first instinct is to blog about it on the internet.

You Win Some, You Fail Some.

It's common knowledge that you can't win 'em all. What isn't common knowledge is that you can't totally lose them all either. Just look at Steve Buscemi (or don't actually look at him, but remember the gist of what he looks like), the guy still manages to be a moderately famous b-actor and he looks like one of those bulgy-eye dolls that you squeeze when you get stressed out got left on an oven.

Pictured: Steve Buschemi. Source: http://www.behindthehype.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/steve_buscemi.jpg

Any way, my point is, even I don't loose all the time. I mean, I haven't won lately....In fact, let me first run down my latest fails (in addition to the recent one in the post directly below this one.)

I work at a pool. In the last month, I've
1. Forgot I had work
2. Forgot to punch out at work
3. Accidentally kicked a radio into the pool...and killed it.

And just today, I called the Apple Computers service line, because my computer was being dumb. Anyway, the automated voice told me I was on hold because all the specialists were busy, then a bit later the voice came on again and said that again. And here's the kicker: no waiting music. Soooooooooooooooooooooooooo..........


I had to improvise.

So I'm in the middle of a lively version of "Zombie" when I start wondering, "What if the technician comes on the line while I'm still–"
"Hi this is Mike, how can I help you?"
"...uh...hey Mike...."
And the conversation went on from there...

But again, you can't always lose...

Here's a win/my best pun ever:

So a year ago or so, me and some friends got to talking about ear sex. I don't know how we got talking about ear sex, but somehow we got talking about ear sex. So I said, "Personally, I find ear sex quite Aud."

Of coure being said out loud, nobody really understood that I was saying "aud" instead of "odd"...

which I guess means that I didn't win after all....but rather failed quite miserably.... soooooooooooo.....

I guess you can lose them all. If you're me.

A Typical Exerpt from My Life

Today I saw one of my fathers coworkers on my way out of a Dining Hall. We struck up a friendly chat, which was made slightly difficult by his limited comprehension of the english language. You see, he's not quite from America, but rather from a far off land known as "Europe." Us Americans typically refer to this land as "Caucasian Surrender Ville." At any rate, he has trouble understanding some of what I'm saying, so fortunately I speak a bit of french. I start adding some french words that I know into the conversation to facilitate his understanding, not many, just a few words here and there. Anyway, later on I realize that he's Italian...

...

If I had a penny for every time I did something this stupid....